Permission

Kaguya walked down to Eirin's lab one summer afternoon, more out of boredom than anything else. Summers always made Kaguya restless – she wanted to go out, see people, do things. The sun, the heat, the scent of fragrant life in the air; it was intoxicating.

“Good afternoon, Eirin,” said Kaguya as she walked into the lab. Eirin, standing with her back to the door, was at her lab table. An array of glass jars, flasks and decanters, tubes snaking between and among them, nearly completely covered the table. Despite the clutter, they were impeccably clean.

“Good afternoon, Princess,” Eirin responded, stirring something in a ceramic jar with a glass rod.

“Busy?” asked Kaguya as she sauntered up behind her.

Eirin nodded her head and sighed. “Afraid so. This is kind of an emergency situation.”

“Oh?” Kaguya's curiosity was piqued. “What is it?”

Eirin set down the jar and turned around to Kaguya, leaning against the table. “It's Cirno.”

“Cirno?” What possible emergency could involve her?

“Yes. I had three very bothersome little fairies come up here, begging that I help their friend Cirno. I was reluctant at first, but then the slightly more intelligent of the three – I think her name was Star – made a very heartfelt plea. You see … hm.” Eirin thought for a moment. “Well, Cirno has reached a certain age of significance among fairies. To put it simply, she's ready to breed.”

“Oh.” Kaguya nodded. “So what's the problem?”

Eirin rubbed her nose. “Well, fairies aren't like us. They have reproductive cycles – they're only able to breed one month out of the year, typically in early summer. Males become more aggressive, females become more compliant. To an outside observer, it can appear rather brutal.”

“Sounds fairly animalistic.”

“It is, in a way. And the problem, Star believes, is that Cirno's just not ready. I mean physically, she is, sure. But emotionally, she's just not there yet. For her body to be sending out signals, whether she likes it or not, when there are males on the prowl, well … I'm sure you see the problem.”

Kaguya felt a sharp pang in her chest. She shook her head.

“Plus, I can never resist the chance to create something new. So I'm making a drug that will suppress the process beneath perceptible levels until the month passes,” Eirin continued. “That ought to take care of her until next year.”

“And what then?” Kaguya asked.

Eirin shrugged. “Well, then, I guess we'll see if she's ready.”

Kaguya nodded. A liquid bubbled in a small copper urn over an open flame. Will Cirno ever be ready for that? Kaguya wondered. She tried to imagine Cirno being taken by a male fairy, him being aggressive with her, like a stray dog. She couldn't imagine Cirno enjoying such a thing, ever. Poor thing.

Eirin turned back around, pouring the solution from the ceramic jar into a bottle, corking it, and sealing it with candlewax.

“There,” she said with a satisfied sigh.

“So is Cirno coming here to pick this up?”

Eirin gave a short laugh through her nose. “I think the dear thing would get lost on her way here within minutes. No, I'm having Tewi bring it to her.”

Kaguya paused. She felt a rising fear growing inside her. Without fully knowing why, she said, “I was just on my way to see Tewi. I can give it to her.”

“Really? Well, alright. If you're on your way there anyway.”

Kaguya smiled politely as she pocketed the bottle. “It's not a problem. Well, I'll let you get back to work.” Kaguya turned, walking to the door. “Don't work too hard, hm? It's summer. Everyone should be having fun.”

Eirin nodded, watching Kaguya's back as she stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her.

2.

Kaguya slept restlessly that night. She lay on her bed, watching the smoke from the incense stick in the window as it danced slowly among the stars above the silhouettes of the bamboo forest.

She hoped she could trust Tewi to do as she was asked. She was only reliable to an extent. Kaguya's plan, conjured up on her way to see Tewi, was itself very risky. And she didn't fully understand why she was so concerned about the well-being of an ice fairy. But she knew, on a visceral level, that it was very important that she intervene. What was going on here? She breathed deeply, turning to look up at the ceiling.

Cirno was entering an entirely new world. That she wasn't ready didn't matter. Putting off the inevitable, as per Eirin's plan, was not going to solve anything. Kaguya felt a certainty about this that resonated in her bones. Sexual awakening is scary enough when it's the mind that controls the body. What if your body was in charge, inviting and then surrendering to the desires of others, whether you wanted it or not?

Kaguya felt that pang in her chest again. Lurking behind it, like scared mice in the shadows, were pieces of memories from thousands of years ago. She'd always been fawned over, told how beautiful she was, her cheeks pinched, her hair stroked. Images floated before her eyes like they were painted on fog, these memories.

She knew she was happy with the attention as a child. But she could not place when she began to realize that men desired her. As she tried to approach that valley of her past, darkness would surround her, and she couldn't see it. The only thing that remained clear to Kaguya was her response to the desire of men – immediate contempt, a loss of respect, disgust. Sending them to chase after impossible requests was a fitting response.

She could not say she never felt desire herself – she had, and even acted on it. But she had to be the one who did the chasing; she could never be pursued. A wanton smile, a lingering hand – these would send a cold wind blowing over her skin.

Kaguya sighed. A memory floated before her: standing in front of her mirror in her old room, back on the moon. She could see her reflection very clearly, and she had been crying. She was wishing that she was ugly.

When was this? Kaguya wondered. She could not recall what led to this moment, nor what came after it. Windchimes tinkled softly in her window.

Cirno should have a choice, Kaguya thought, turning over in her bed for the twentieth time. Her body might attract many suitors, but she should still have the final say. Your own body forcing you to surrender to the desire of others – just the thought of it made Kaguya curl up tighter.

She felt bad about throwing away Eirin's potion, and about sneaking back into her lab to take a different one. But that's the way it had to be. She didn't want to explain her motivations for what she planned for Cirno to anyone, even her best friend. Despite feeling guilty about this, the old Lunarian proverb rose to mind: “One side of the moon is always light, and the other side is dark.”

Kaguya watched the incense smoke floating up to the stars, and felt herself drift off to sleep.

3.

Cirno lay on the shores of Misty Lake, dangling her feet in the water in a vain attempt to cool down.

“Why is so summer sooo hot?” she groaned. “I feel like I'm gonna boil up and blow away.”

Cirno sat up, pulling up a lilypad, and began to fan herself with it. Only the lilypad was flimsy, and didn't generate much of a breeze; it only dribbled mud onto Cirno's dress.

“Oh darn,” Cirno pouted. She looked at the mud on her dress, then looked around. No one in sight. And the lake did look very inviting. She could wash her dress in the lake, and then lay it on a rock to dry in the sun while going for a swim.

Cirno unbuttoned her dress, and then furtively pull it off before tiptoeing into the water. She couldn't help but sigh with relief as the cool water slid up her legs and hips. Working the dress underwater, the mud easily washed away. She walked it back to shore, laying it on a rock in the sun, and then giggled, leaping backwards into the water. She paddled backwards as the water glided over her skin. Once she was a few meters from shore, Cirno spread her arms and legs, floating, her eyes closed, enraptured as the lake's small waves lapped at her body.

“Hey Cirno!” a voice called out. Cirno quickly rolled her body forward to a treading-water position. She squinted through the sunlight towards the form at the shore. Tewi.

“Oh, hey, Tewi!” Cirno called out. “Surprised to see you here. What brings you around? You wanna swim, too?”

Wordlessly, Tewi walked over to the rock where Cirno's dress lay. She picked it up, folded it, and turned back towards the forest.

“Hey!” Cirno yelled. “What do you think you're doing?”

Tewi stopped and turned around. “Why, I'm going home,” the rabbit said matter-of-factly.

“But my dress!”

Tewi looked at the dress, then looked back at Cirno. “This? I found this lying on a rock. Are you saying it belongs to you?”

“You know it does, Tewi” Cirno snapped. “Now put it back!”

“You want it?” Tewi smirked. “Come and get it.” This wasn't part of Kaguya's instructions, she knew. All she was supposed to do was lead Cirno into the woods. But then, Kaguya never specified how. “What are you waiting for? Do you want it or not?”

Cirno hesitated. Then she began paddling back to shore.

“There we go,” Tewi whispered under her breath. She watched, smiling, as Cirno got to shore. “Alright then,” she said to Cirno. “Come on out and get it.”

Reluctantly, her eyes darting around the area, Cirno slowly rose, covering herself as best she could with her arm across her chest, the opposite hand over her crotch. Water dripped from her hair and down her skin as the fairy shivered; most likely not from cold.

“Can I have my dress back now?” Cirno mumbled, looking down at her toes.

Tewi held the dress out with one hand, within arm's reach of Cirno, but not handing it to her.

Cirno glared at Tewi, and stepped closer. Tewi took a step back. “Reach for it,” Tewi smirked.

Cirno's ears burned with shame. Quickly, she took her arm from her breasts and tried to snatch the dress from Tewi. But Tewi pulled the dress from her grasp, chuckling.

“Tewi, c'mon,” Cirno pleaded. “I did what you said. Now give it back.”

“Oh you can have it back. When you find it.” Tewi turned around and headed into the woods without another word.

Cirno hesitated. If she stayed, she'd likely never get her dress back. And the longer she waited, the further Tewi would get from her. Steeling her nerves, she stepped into the forest, hurrying after Tewi while trying to keep herself covered at the same time.

“Wait!” Cirno called out, stepping gingerly over the forest floor. Normally, she'd just fly over the trees. She'd never actually walked through the forest before. But of course, flying was out of the question, given the circumstances.

“Ouch,” she cursed as she stumbled, losing her balance a little and stepping on a sharp twig. Covering herself and walking at the same time was impractical, she realized. She sighed and, her heart pounding, removed her hands from her body, holding them away from her hips, palms down, fingers splayed. Cicadas screeched unseen in the branches.

Cirno could feel her pulse racing as she stepping carefully through the forest, painfully aware that she was naked, completely exposed, with no choice but to move forward and try to find Tewi, wherever she was.

“Tewi,” she called in a loud whisper. There was no response. “Tewi?” she called a little louder. She didn't want to raise her voice too much, lest she draw attention to herself from someone besides Tewi.

Underneath her fear of being seen like this, walking naked through the woods felt strange to Cirno, but not in an entirely bad way. She was acutely aware of the air moving over the surface of her skin, the shafts of sunlight through the tree branches that slid over her body. The exposure made her feel lighter, freer. Like one of the wilder, more primal youkai of the forest, who wore no clothing at all, who couldn't even talk but shone brightly with a shameless, feral power, their pheromones like clouds drifting in the summer breeze. These were their woods, too, which surrounded her naked body on all sides. Sparks ran up Cirno's spine, her eyes widening, a kind of electricity gathering in her chest.

She could feel eyes on her, following her. She stopped. Her eyes flitted about, searching, but she could see no one. Just the trees and plants smattered with pieces of the sun, pulsing with summer life. Still, she was convinced she was being watched.

Cirno felt her fear rise, but she also felt an inexplicable tightening between her legs, moisture gathering like heavy dew. The reaction confused her. Still, she didn't dare move.

It was then that she noticed the shadow, in a spot between two trees where a shadow wasn't supposed to be. Within the shadow, she could detect movement, as if the darkness itself had rippled.

Cirno could feel the blood rushing in her ears. Panic began to stir to life in the pit of her stomach. But still she remained motionless, one knee raised slightly, her hands held out from her sides, trembling fingers splayed. A breeze moved through the branches like a silently drawn breath.

Kaguya stepped from the shadow. Her eyes shone brilliantly, reminding Cirno of onyx stones at the bottom of a clear pond. Cirno nearly gasped at Kaguya's otherworldly beauty. She had never seen her close up before. Cirno wanted to run. She wanted to move, to cover herself. But she couldn't. All she could do was look back at Kaguya, who looked at her, appearing mildly surprised by her nakedness, but neither embarrassed nor offended. Then the moon princess began to approach Cirno, very slowly, moving as if she were floating – her upper body remained still, only her dress fluttering soundlessly.

A darkness washed over them now, like a heavy cloud sliding under the sun. Cirno was keenly aware of everything – the pounding of her blood through her veins, the tightness in her chest and between her legs, the goosebumps rising on her skin, her hardening nipples, Kaguya's eerie beauty as she approached her, silently and intently. Thousands of years reached back in the depths of those eyes. Cirno simply could not look away.

Kaguya stood right in front of her now. She inhaled deeply through her nose, then raised a lithe, pale hand, laying her fingertips on Cirno's right cheek. They felt like smooth tongues of aching fire. Far away, she could her windchimes tinkling. Kaguya smiled.

“Cirno,” she said, as if trying out how the name felt in her mouth. She let her fingertips slide slowly downward, tracing her jawline. “Beautiful child.”

Normally Cirno would take offense to being called a child, but something about the way Kaguya said it made her feel quite the opposite – that she was being honored, cherished even. She did not move, and could not take her eyes off Kaguya. Kaguya's fingers took hold of the ice fairy's chin. She could feel her mouth go completely dry.

“Kaguya,” she managed to whisper. “I-”

Kaguya leaned in and lay her lips on Cirno's. They were very warm and smooth, taking hold of Cirno's bottom lip slightly before releasing it.

“Quiet,” Kaguya whispered tenderly, inhaling again through her nose. “You don't have to explain anything.” Kaguya kissed her again, with more pressure, cradling Cirno's face with both hands. And this time, Cirno began to kiss her back.

Kaguya slid her hands down from Cirno's face, stroking the sides of her neck and across the tops of her shoulders. Kaguya's grip tightened slightly, and she pulled Cirno close to her, Cirno's small breasts pressing against her silk shirt. Cirno could feel her head tilt back from the angle, her knees buckling under her.

Kaguya lay Cirno on her back. She felt the cool soil of the forest floor against her back, arms and bottom. Kaguya knelt as she lowered Cirno, using her knees to spread Cirno's thighs. She wanted to bring her legs together; she had never been exposed like this to anyone before, and the ease with which the Lunarian took control of her scared her a little – both because of Kaguya's beauty, and because Cirno realized she had surrendered so quickly to it.

Kaguya smiled down on her. “Cirno,” she said, languidly stroking her bare thighs.

Cirno swallowed hard. Hearing her name from Kaguya's mouth sent tingles across her scalp.

“Do you permit me?” Kaguya asked softly. This made Cirno's heart ache. A princess from the moon asking a humble ice fairy for permission to do anything … She looked up into those ancient eyes. Slowly she nodded her head.

“I will ask you again. Do you permit me?”

“Yes.” Cirno whispered.

“Cirno. I want you to look inside yourself and answer honestly. You do not have to permit me anything. I will turn and leave right now, if you so desire. It is your right to grant me or deny. I have no dominion over you. So really consider it. Do you permit me?”

Cirno slid her hands up, tentatively laying them on Kaguya's. A bird fluttered from a nearby branch, taking off into the unknown. Kaguya's words washed away all fear, and her nerves unwound, calmly stretching through the length of her body. Yes, she saw clearly. She did want this.

“I permit you,” said Cirno, her eyes brimming with tears.

Kaguya leaned slowly down on her hands, kissing Cirno tenderly around her face. Cirno raised her hands, letting them curl around Kaguya's shoulders. A low moan rose from Cirno's lungs.

“Cirno” Kaguya whispered, her hot breath tickling the fairy's ear. “Beautiful child. You will learn there are many things in life that you don't get to decide.” Kaguya slid her hands under Cirno, stroking her back. “Things that will shape you forever. I can't tell you how to avoid them. But I can tell you ...” She kissed her neck, holding her tighter. “I can tell you that some milestones in life … are sacred. They should be yours and yours alone to decide.” Kaguya lifted her face to look in Cirno's eyes. “Do you understand?”

Cirno looked up at Kaguya. “Why are you crying?”

Kaguya smile warmly and shook her head. “It doesn't matter.”

Cicadas screeched loudly as Kaguya lowered herself again, kissing Cirno. This time, Cirno surrendered utterly. She opened her mouth to her, taking in her tongue. She arched her body into Kaguya's hands as they stroked her all over, as her lips and tongue opened her up and moved into her. The tree branches above them stirred lazily in the wind before the summer's blue sky.

Kaguya was patient. Her fingers and tongue moved over and then into Cirno as if she were opening a rose without bruising a petal. Kaguya inhaled deeply, listening to Cirno's body with her own. Cirno gripped tightly to Kaguya's hair as she watched the sunlight starting to make the tree branches blur. She was awash in a swirl of currents, ebbing and flowing through her body. And then, Kaguya touched a place inside her that made her gasp loudly. She was at once terrified and ecstatic. It felt as though a sun was growing inside her, its rays stretching down her thighs, up her chest, spreading up inside the top of her head.

Kaguya felt Cirno's body tighten when she reached the core of her pleasure. Kaguya stroked it faster, in stronger circles, with the flat of her finger as she lovingly kissed her thighs, her free hand sliding over Cirno's body. Cirno could feel her legs shaking as the sun inside her grew larger, brighter, humming loudly in her ears. What was happening? Its power was frightening.

“Let it go,” Kaguya whispered over Cirno's stomach. “Just breathe. Relax. Let it go.”

Cirno closed her eyes as she let Kaguya's fingers and tongue stir the sun even larger. She could see it turning white as it grew. The humming turned into a dull rumbling, building. And then suddenly, the sun exploded in a soundless burst of light that evaporated every cell in her body, a cry of anguished ecstasy roaring up from her chest. There was nothing in the world but this: the cry of the cicadas and the summer sun, lifting her body into the sky.

4.

When Cirno awoke, she felt her hair being stroked. Her head was in Kaguya's lap. Next to her was Cirno's dress, clean and neatly folded. She smiled to see it, but felt no particular urgency to reach for it.

Cirno rolled over and looked up at Kaguya. She looked at Cirno lovingly. Cirno could not help but smile.

“How are you feeling?” Kaguya asked gently.

Cirno thought about it out loud. “I feel … different. Like I'm older.” A bee flew lazily passed them. “Like, I'm not who I was, and who I was, I … I feel like I've said goodbye to a dear friend. I'm a little sad. But I'm also happy because ...” Cirno closed her eyes, drawing in a long, content breath. “Because the world looks … clear to me now. Less scary. Does that make sense?”

Kaguya nodded. “Oh yes. It makes a lot of sense. Sit up for me, child, would you?”

Cirno raised herself off of Kaguya's lap. Kaguya rose to her feet, and smoothed her dress out. She cleared her throat.

“I have enjoyed this time with you.” Kaguya said. “I hope you have, too. I thank you sincerely for allowing it to happen.” Kaguya bowed deeply. Cirno was so surprised she hesitated at first, before bowing her head in response. “You will notice your dress is undamaged. I found it hanging from a tree branch, not too far from here. I have no idea why you would-”

“It was Tewi,” Cirno mumbled. “Tewi took it from me.”

Kaguya paused. “Did she? Well, that was not a nice thing to do. I hope you weren't too frightened.”

“Ah, it's OK,” Cirno dismissed.

“No, it isn't.” Kaguya said. “I will deal with her when I get home. But anyways: under your dress, you will find a bottle. As you know, for one month at this time of year, you are now old enough to attract suitors. You are aware of this, yes?”

Cirno hesitated, and then nodded. “I am.”

“Well, what you might not have been told is, although your body may respond to their desires, your mind might not. It's apparently part of being a fairy. This is why I asked you to be certain of your permission. It is my opinion that the mind and the body should agree with each other. Cirno, listen to me.” Cirno's eyes locked on Kaguya's. “Listen carefully. Should a suitor approach you, do as I asked you and look honestly inside yourself. If you do not desire that suitor, take a sip of that drink. It will give you the power to erase the desire of that suitor. Consider it a gift. But if Eirin ever asks, tell her you found it, would you?”

Cirno appeared confused. “But what if my mind agrees with my body about a suitor?”

Kaguya laughed a little through her nose. “Then you're one lucky girl.”

Cirno smiled, blushing at her own silliness for missing the obvious. Then something occurred to her. “Kaguya?” she asked tenatively. “Why me?”

Looking down into those big, blue eyes, Kaguya paused. It briefly occurred to her to tell her. But then, she remembered the moon.

Kaguya gave Cirno's hair a loving stroke. “Why not you?” she smiled.

Kaguya turned, walking away. “Farewell, Cirno. Enjoy your summer.”

Cirno said nothing, watching her go. There was nothing she could say. It was summer, and she was growing up.

(Image: Pixiv)