Reimu and Marisa were walking their way to the Human Village one sunny afternoon.“So apparently, that's why Wriggle wears short pants instead of a skirt,” Marisa concluded.
“Wow,” said Reimu, and made a low whistle. “I'd never guess she was the type.”
“Well, yeah, but we all do impulsive things when we're younger.”
“Some of us don't stop doing them.”
“Heh, got me there. But then again, you-” Marisa stopped, and held up her hand. Reimu gave her a questioning look.
“Look,” Marisa whispered, and pointed to a bush by the side of the road, a few meters away. It resembled a normal bush in every way, apart from the giant purple umbrella sticking out of the top of it.
Marisa snickered. Reimu shook her head. “Why does she even try?”
“C'mon,” said Marisa, “Just act natural.”
The two walked on.
“So anyway, Reimu,” Marisa said, raising her voice a bit, “I think it's a really good thing this road is so seldom used. Don't you agree?”
“Oh yes,” Reimu replied. “It sure is. You can just walk and walk without having to worry about anyone suddenly jumping out at you.”
“Totally. Someone suddenly jumping out at me is the last thing I would ever expect.”
“Me too. I think it would-”
At that moment, as they were passing the bush, Kogasa leaped up towards them. Simultaneously, Reimu spun, throwing an open-palmed punch straight to the center of Kogasa's chest.
Kogasa was sent flying onto her back, gasping loudly, the wind knocked out of her. Marisa burst into braying laughter, pointing at Kogasa.
“Look at that!,” Marisa laughed. “She even slid a little. Nice punch, Reimu.”
“Simple physics, really,” Reimu said matter-of-factly. “You see, as she exerts force upwards, her center of gravity is-”
“Reimuuu!” Kogasa whined, struggling to her feet. “That was really mean. That hurt, you know.”
“You only have yourself to blame,” Reimu scolded. “If you think that hurt, just imagine what Marisa's Master Spark would feel like.”
“Eh, I really wouldn't waste Ol' Sparky on her,” Marisa said.
“I just wanted to surprise you,” Kogasa pouted.
“Ah jeez,” Marisa groaned. “You couldn't surprise a deaf old man with a blindfold on.”
Kogasa's eyes widened. “W-What are you saying?”
“She's saying you couldn't surprise anyone,” Reimu snapped frustratedly. “Alright? You can't. Just give it up.”
Kogasa's eyes welled up with tears. Her bottom lip quivered.
“Oh no ...” said Marisa. “This is awkward.”
“Kogasa, look,” Reimu began, reaching out a comforting hand to Kogasa.
“No!” Kogasa shouted. “You get away from me! I hate you, Reimu! I hate you!”
Kogasa burst into sobs, and flew off in a hurry.
Reimu sighed.
“Well, Reimu, I hope you're proud of yourself.” Marisa smirked. “You made an umbrella cry.”
2.
Kogaga flew off over the trees, wiping away tears. Stupid Reimu. What was her problem anyway? How come she doesn't want anyone to have any fun, ever?
It was then that Kogasa saw a strange purple band of light, about a meter long and no wider than her finger, appear seemingly out of nowhere, floating in the air before her. Kogasa stopped. Suddenly, the band expanded, like the opening of a mouth. Kogasa was struck with fear. Inside, there shone a dark, violet haze, and several red-irised eyes peered at her from within.
“Uh oh,” Kogasa said out loud. “This can't be good.” What was this thing? Some strange and terrible sky monster?
Yukari Yakumo rose up from within the opening, smiling at Kogasa, and stepped out. The strange purple mouth closed behind her, and disappeared. Yukari floated in the air before Kogasa, regarding her steadily.
“Nice umbrella,” Yukari said at last.
“Wow.” Kogasa was amazed. “Who are you?”
“A friend,” Yukari smiled. “You can call me a friend. I saw what Reimu did to you. Tsk tsk. Deplorable.”
Kogasa paused. “I know,” she mumbled. “She's so mean.”
“Oh, she has good intentions, really. She's just … overly serious at times, that's all. But enough about her. Let's talk about you.”
“Me? Huh?” Kogasa stammered. “W-What about me?”
“You like to surprise people, hm?”
“Yeah ...”
“I can relate.”
“Really? You like to surprise people, too?”
Yukari nodded.
“Well, you're pretty good at it,” Kogasa chuckled. “You sure surprised me.”
Yukari put a hand on Kogasa's shoulder.
“I'd like to help you,” Yukari said. “I could make it so you could surprise anyone, anytime. Would you like that?”
Kogasa's eyes widened with wonder. “Well, sure! But wait – why do you want to help me?” she asked suspiciously. “What do you want?”
“Me?” Yukari asked coquettishly. “Why, nothing. I just think it would be amusing, that's all. Can't let people get too comfortable with life in Gensokyo, you know.” Yukari poked Kogasa's nose playfully.
Kogasa smiled. “Well, then, alright. Sure. I'll take your help.”
“Wonderful,” Yukari beamed, putting her arm around Kogasa's shoulders. “When it comes to surprising people, the first thing you have to know is: you can't go wrong with the gap.”
“The gap? Oh, was that that thing you did where you came out of the sky?”
Yukari nodded. “But really, you can make the gap appear anywhere. You can surprise people no matter where they are. And they never see you coming.”
“Ooh! So when can we try it?” Kogasa asked excitedly.
“Why, right now, if you want.” Yukari smiled. “In fact, I know just the person you could try first.”
3.
“Ah, there we go,” said Nitori, surveying her handiwork. The automated watercress harvester was near completion. “This ought to save a lot of work.” Nitori whistled happily as she looked it over. The rotary blades were in good shape, the frame was stable, and the engine was ready. “Now I just need to calibrate the water intake/outake system.”
Nitori turned and casually walked to her tool cabinet. Some days I really love being an engineer, she thought to herself. She opened the tool cabinet and bent down, retrieving her socket wrench set from the bottom shelf. She then stood, turned around and-
“Hey there!” Kogasa yelped happily, inches from Nitori's face.
Nitori shrieked, stumbling backwards against her tool cabinet, landing in a sitting position. Sockets rolled across the floor.
“Ow ...” Nitori moaned.
“Oh? Did I surprise you?” Kogasa asked with barely concealed glee.
“Surprise me? You scared the crap outta me,” Nitori mumbled, standing on her feet.
Kogasa laughed giddily.
“What is wrong with you?” Nitori glared, rubbing her sore bottom. “Seriously, who are you anyway?”
Kogasa looked at Nitori, thinking.
“You're surprised pretty easily, aren't you?” Kogasa asked, a grin playing across her lips.
Nitori blushed crimson. “I really don't see how that's any of your business.”
Kogasa chuckled. “I'll take that as a yes. Well, I'll see myself out. Bye for now!” Kogasa left the workshop, closing the door behind her.
Nitori glared at the door, shaking her head in confusion. “Buggy little heterochromatic freak,” she murmured.
4.
Kogasa got a lot of enjoyment out of Yukari's help, who gapped Kogasa into any place she wanted – right behind Keine during a class, in Cirno's path as she flew over the lake, even once (and only once) behind Sakuya as she carried a full tea service.
But no one reacted with the sort of intensity of surpise that Nitori did. Each and every time that Kogasa sprang in on her in her workshop, Nitori would belt out a shriek, flailing her limbs comically, invariably falling over something. She never failed to be just as surprised, each and every time. It was very satisfying.
Nitori, for her part, could not understand why this creepy umbrella girl kept plaguing her. It was getting so she didn't want to go into her workshop anymore. But she had to finish the watercress harvester. The stress was getting to her. She couldn't eat, and hadn't slept in days. Weeks of torment left her nerves shaky and frayed.
One day, Nitori went up Youkai Mountain to try and clear her head.
I can't avoid the workshop forever, she thought. My whole livelihood depends on it. But every time I go there … argh!
In her rage and frustration, Nitori clenched her fists, shut her eyes tight, and screamed at the top of her lungs. What else could she do? The creepy umbrella girl was-
Just then, as often happened to Nitori, she received a sudden flash of inspiration. The answer to her problem: the enemy of umbrellas everywhere, of course. Nitori couldn't help but giggle as she hurried back to her workshop.
“So the little freak likes surprises, eh?” Nitori grinned. “Let's see how she likes getting them.”
5.
Nitori nonchalantly puttered around her workshop, pretending to be busy. The watercress harvester rested on its side on the workbench. Nitori crouched down on the floor in front of the workbench, sorting her tools. She knew it would only be a matter of time.
It was when Nitori was arranging her Alan wrenches by gauge that Kogasa silently gapped in behind her. Slowly, she tip-toed up, making her way right to Nitori's crouched back. She grinned mischievously.
“Workin' hard?” Kogasa yelled, which as expected made Nitori gasp loudly, startled, little Alan wrenches flying everywhere. Nitori turned around slowly, still in a crouch, glaring.
“Ah ha ha ha!” Kogasa laughed heartily, “You're really entertaining, you know that?”
Nitori's glare turned into a smirk as she lifted a little steel switchbox connected to a wire.
Kogasa looked at the little box curiously. “What's that do?” she asked, following the length of the wire with her eyes. It lay across the floor, and went up a leg of the workbench, connecting to a big machine with steel blades arranged around a hub.
Kogasa's blood ran cold. “Oh no.”
Nitori smiled broadly and nodded. “Oh yes.” She flipped the switch. The watercress harvester whirred to life, the blades beginning to turn. Nitori crouched down lower.
Kogasa turned and tried to run, but the harvester's blades were already at full power. A powerful wind lifted Kogasa, slamming her against the wall, pinning her there. She couldn't move, and her umbrella was turned inside-out, pinned to the wall next to her.
“My pretty pretty purple parasol!” she cried with despair.
Nitori rose to her feet, switchbox in hand, bracing her back against the powerful wind of the harvester's blades as she made her way slowly to Kogasa. This freak is mine now, she thought. She couldn't help but laugh.
Nitori put her hand against the wall as she leaned in close to Kogasa's terrified face. The sight of Kogasa's expression made all these weeks of anxiety and frustration came rushing up out of Nitori. She cackled with delight.
“What's the matter?” Nitori yelled over the roaring of the blades. “Did I … surprise you?”
“Please!” Kogasa begged. “Turn it off!”
Nitori feigned confusion, holding her hand to her ear. “What? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Did you just apologize?”
“I'm sorry!”
“And you promise to stay the hell away from me? What?”
“I promise! Just let me go!”
“And you're a stupid little heterochromatic pinhead with the ugliest umbrella ever conceived by god or man?”
Kogasa hesitated, her eyes darting. “W-What?”
“Never mind. You really swear to leave me alone?”
“Yes! Yes I swear! Just make it stop, please! Make it stop!”
Nitori flipped the switch. Kogasa slid down the wall and landed in a heap on the floor as the machine died down. She clutched her broken umbrella, still shaking.
Nitori pitied her then. She's obviously not too bright, and pretty much mostly harmless. I guess it can't be helped. Nitori sighed.
“Here,” she said, crouching down. “I'll fix your umbrella. I didn't mean to break it.”
Kogasa hesitated at first, and then gently handed the umbrella to Nitori.
Nitori rose, and carried the umbrella to her workbench. Fixing an umbrella would be a snap. And a small price to pay for the look on umbrella girl's face. Nitori savored it, chuckling softly to herself as she got to work.
6.
Kogasa was heading into the Forest of Magic with her newly-repaired umbrella when Yukari gapped in before her, smiling warmly.
“So,” she said. “Have fun scaring the kappa again?”
“It wasn't fun at all this time.” Kogasa pouted. “She had this big wind-making thing, and she held me against the wall, and laughed at me, and my umbrella broke but she fixed it, and I fell down, and she made me promise not to surprise her again and- and she's crazy!”
“I see.”
“Crazy! Why did you tell me to surprise her first?”
Yukari shrugged. “Well, she's easy to surprise.”
“But why did you let me keep surprising her? You must've known she was crazy.”
Yukari smiled comfortingly. “Kogasa, Nitori isn't crazy. But she is very intelligent and resourceful. And just as I suspected, she was very capable in teaching you the lesson that you needed to learn.”
Kogasa was puzzled. “Huh? Teach me what?”
Yukari sighed. “That every person's patience has limits. Even the funniest joke wears thin if you keep telling it to the same person, over and over. But it seems you learned that first hand, didn't you?” Yukari stepped back into the gap. “A wind machine, though, that's a new one. I'd have thought she'd catapult you over Youkai Mountain, or stretch you out until you were one long noodle. Ah well, I suppose a wind machine did the job well enough. Bye for now!” With that, the gap sealed up, and disappeared.
Kogasa stood alone in the forest, and clutched her umbrella tighter, apprehensive. “Everyone here is crazy.”
(Image: Pixiv)
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