Rinnosuke sat in his shop one afternoon, flipping disinterestedly through Bunbunmaru newspaper.
“Blah blah blah … man, there's nothing in this thing. It's like the tengu isn't even trying to make anything up anymore. This is all … just regular news.” Rinnosuke sighed. “Well, might as well try and straighten up around here a little.”
Stepping out from behind the counter, he looked at the cluttered shelves, the tables piled high with books, toys, and various bric-a-brac. He shook his head at the state of things. How did he let it get away from him like this?
Well, nothing to it but to do it, he decided. The first thing to do, he figured, would be to make some floor space for sorting things. So he took hold of one side of a table and began to push it towards the wall, but it was quite a struggle from the weight of thing.
Cirno happily jaunted in. “Hiya, old man!” she chirped with a wave of her hand. “Ya need any help today?”
Rinnosuke sighed again. Lately Cirno had been stopping by out of sheer boredom, hanging out for hours on end, talking and talking, about nothing at all, under the guise of “helping around the shop”.
“No, thank you, Cirno, I think I can manage.”
“Nuh uh,” said Cirno teasingly, “You can't even move that table by yourself. Lemme give ya a hand.” She stepped towards the table.
“No, really, Cirno, it's alright,” insisted Rinnosuke, annoyed.
“Ah c'mon,” she whined, “I'm the strongest in Gensokyo. Lemme do it.” Taking hold of a corner of the table, she began to push it anyway.
“Fine.” said Rinnosuke, walking away, “You can do it yourself then.” He stepped behind the counter, and walked through the curtains to his room.
“You got it, old man!” piped Cirno, and gripped the table corner with grim determination. “Alright table. You met your match now!”
Cirno began to push, but it was heavier than she thought. “Urgh. Gonna be difficult, eh? Well, we'll see about that!” Putting more of her weight into it, the table moved a little. Encouraged, Cirno moved closer to the table corner, leaning her body against it, and pushed. The table groaned as it scraped across the floor surface.
Cirno stopped. What was this sensation she felt, where the table corner pressed against her, between her legs? She pushed again.
“Oh wow,” she gasped. It felt kind of good. Cautiously, she started to rub her crotch against the corner of the table. It started to feel even better.
“What's this?” she giggled. “What's this?! Ahahahaha!”
Cirno rubbed her crotch against the table corner faster. She could not believe how good this felt. What an amazing discovery. She'd never seen anyone else do this before, or even talk about it. Could it be that she, the one everyone in Gensokyo teased as being stupid, had discovered something no one else knew about it? This made her even more excited. She rubbed faster, harder, the pleasure growing.
“R-Rinnosuke!” she called out. “C'm'ere! You gotta see this!”
Rinnosuke stepped slowly out from behind the curtains. “What is it this time, Cir-” and stopped in his tracks, stunned, watching Cirno furiously rubbing her crotch against the corner of the table.
“You got to try this!” Cirno beamed, her face flushed. “It feels amaaaaaazing.”
Rinnosuke turned bright red. She might be as old as an elderly human, but in her mind she's like a child. I can't scold her for this, he thought. She doesn't know any better.
“Uh, Cirno, um, I just remembered I …. have an appointment. Yes. So I need to close the shop.”
Cirno kept riding the table corner, faster. “Now? Right now?” Her eyes pleaded in protest.
“Right now.” Rinnosuke stammered, “So get out. Now.”
Cirno let go of the table, panting. “Fine” she pouted. Rinnosuke escorted her to the door, practically shoving her out, and locked the door behind her.
Cirno stood in the afternoon light, her crotch throbbing, tingling. The old man was too wrapped up in his own affairs to even acknowledge her amazing discovery. No one would believe her if she told them. Well, almost no one. Mystia might. She'd have to show her this. She smiled when she realized this, but then remembered the shop was closed, for who knows how long. Last time it was closed for a week. She cursed the situation. I can't wait that long, she decided. I have to find some other place that has a table. Determined to show off her discovery, she flew off into the sky.
Mystia and Cirno flew towards Hakurei Shrine that evening. As luck would have it, Cirno saw that Reimu was just leaving, on her way into the woods.
“Perfect,” giggled Cirno. “That lazy shrine maiden won't try and challenge me.”
Mystia only tagged along because she had nothing better to do, but was still trepidacious. “Um, what exactly are we doing here, anyway?”
“You'll see,” grinned Cirno, and flew down to the shrine. Mystia followed. They landed deftly on the front steps. Mystia looked around cautiously. She'd seen Reimu leave, but she was still worried about being caught.
“Cirno,” she whispered, “We really shouldn't be here. We could get in big trouble!”
“Oh shush,” chided Cirno. “You're such a baby.”
“You're the baby!”
“Am not! You are!”
Cirno sighed. “Look, we won't be long, alright? Stop worrying.”
“Fine.” Mystia looked around her again. “So, what did you want to show me, anyway?”
Cirno smiled conspiratorily, and stepped up to the donation box. “Watch.”
Cirno took hold of the corner of the donation box, and started to rub her crotch against it. This felt even better than the table! But why? Maybe because of the wooden studs around the edge? She didn't care. She rubbed faster.
Mystia watched, confused. “What are you doing?” Then she looked terrified. “Wait, you're not trying to steal the donation box, are you? I mean, you know there's nothing in that thing.”
“I'm … not trying to … steal it,” Cirno stammered between breaths. “It feels good! C'mon, try it.”
“Just try it! You'll see.”
Wary, Mystia approached the opposite corner of the donation box. “OK ...” She took hold of the corner, and imitated Cirno, tentatively rubbing her crotch against the corner.
“Do it faster,” encouraged Cirno.
Mystia moved faster. Her eyes widened with surprise. “Oh wow.”
“This is … wow … “ Mystia rubbed against the corner with greater vigor. “This is reeeally nice.”
Together, the two of them gripped either side of the donation box as they rubbed their crotches against opposite corners, panting.
“Cirno,” breathed Mystia, an ecstatic grin on her face, “You … are … a genius.”
Cirno beamed. She was a genius, she really was. Soon everyone in Gensokyo would respect her. No one would tease her anymore.
Reimu stepped out of the woods, having forgotten to bring the ribbons Marisa asked for, and noticed shadows moving in front of the shrine. Where the donation box is – thieves! Furious, Reimu decided to surprise them. Stepping back into the woods, she circled around, behind the shrine. The nerve, she fumed. I step away for one minute, and some dirty thieves come and try and rob me. Quietly, she stalked into the rear entrance, stepping gingerly across the floor. She could hear the thieves panting, struggling to lift the donation box. Their silhouettes showed from behind the screen. Weaklings, she smirked. This is going to be fun. She approached the screen, took hold of the edge, and slowly slid it open.
There are plenty of things Reimu had seen in her life. She'd watched a red mist cover Gensokyo. She'd seen the real moon replaced by a fake one. She'd even seen a crow swallow a sun and turn into a maniac hell-bent on conquering. But until she saw a night sparrow and an ice fairy each simultaneously having sexual relations with her donation box, she thought she'd seen it all. This, this right here – this was too much.
Reimu slammed the screen open. Cirno and Mystia froze and gasped, still gripping the box. Time seemed to stop. Somewhere in the woods, a frog croaked.
Reimu, bright red with embarrassment and anger, shaking, took a deep breath and bellowed, “W-What the hell are you perverts doing?!”
“We- We were just-” Mystia began, but there was no time for words. Reimu had already spun, and produced a spell card.
“Shameful Arts 「Omnidirectional Pervert Slaying Circle」!” Reimu declared, and let loose with a barrage of danmaku the likes of which they'd never seen. They never had a chance. Mystia and Cirno were blown into the woods with the power of Reimu's anger, utterly defeated.
“Waaah!” Mystia cried. “Cirno you dummy! I knew we were going to get caught.”
“Shut up,” Cirno grumbled. “You're such a baby.”
“I am not!”
Cirno sighed. Now what was she going to do?
“Wow” said Marisa, and took another sip of tea. “That's pretty disturbing.”
“I know,” sighed Reimu, sitting on the floor, resting her head against her wall. “I had that spellcard saved for the tengu. I never thought I'd have to use it on those two.”
“Yeah, that is pretty … wow. Are you sure they were-”
“They were. Like dogs in heat.”
Marisa gave a low whistle, then shook her head. “How on earth did they … I mean, how did they decide to … I … I'm speechless.”
Reimu sighed, and took a sip of tea. “It can't be helped. I guess they're growing up.”
Marisa nodded. “Yeah, I guess so, ze. But I mean, I never … you know … like that. Did you?”
Reimu blushed deep red. “W-What? No, of course not! A shrine maiden doesn't … ugh.”
“This is pretty awkward.”
“I'm not going to be able to look at those two the same.”
“Me neither. Or my donation box. My poor, poor donation box.”
Marisa and Reimu sat in silence for a few beats. Marisa thought about it. “You know what I used to do?” she said, a mischievous smile on her face.
Reimu closed her eyes and held up her hand. “I don't even want to know. Please. I've had enough perverts for one day.”
Marisa chuckled. “Jeez, you're such a prude, ze. Lighten up.” Marisa thought some more about it. And then she got an idea. A wonderful, terrible idea. She stood up. “Well, I'm gonna get going. Catch ya later, ze.”
Reimu nodded, still in shock. Marisa chuckled to herself as she flew off. For a girl who's gone head-to-head with goddesses, she sure is easy to rattle.
Marisa flew over the treetops for the Misty Lake.
Cirno gave up. Slumping down on the ground, she frowned at the tree stump, and gave it a frustrated kick. It just wasn't the same. She had to have the donation box. But Reimu was so angry at her. Why? She wondered. Why was Reimu so mean? I wasn't hurting anyone. I wasn't trying to steal the donation box. So why did she attack me? Why is everyone so mean to me?
Cirno could feel tears welling up, and wiped them from her eyes with the back of her hand. She wanted to run away and not see anyone, ever again.
Cirno stood up, brushing the pieces of bark from her dress. Stupid tree stump.
She heard something drop with a thud behind her. Quickly, she turned around, and saw Marisa there, smiling. Cirno was struck with panic, but wasn't about to show it.
“Marisa,” she mumbled. “What are you doing here?”
“Ah, ya know, just payin' a visit, ze,” she said, stepping closer.
“Back off!” Cirno growled. “I-I'll fight you, you know! I'm not afraid of you.”
Marisa laughed casually. “Cirno, relax. I'm not gonna hurt you, alright? I wanna talk with you.”
Cirno paused. Marisa seemed to mean it. But could she trust her? “W-What about?”
“Look, uh” Marisa rubbed the back of her neck with embarrassment “Hm, how should I put this? Well, I uh talked to Reimu. About what you and Mystia were doing.”
“OK …?” Cirno paused. “Are we in trouble?”
Marisa shook her head. “No, you're not in trouble. What you guys were doing is … well, it's natural, ze. Ya see ...” Marisa put her hand on Cirno's shoulder, comfortingly. “Hm. Never thought I'd have this talk with you. Heh. Well, you're growing up. Alright? And when you grow up, you start to get these … urges. That's what that … stuff you were doing was about. Satisfying urges.”
Cirno looked aghast. “You mean … I didn't think that up myself?”
Marisa blinked. That's what she's concerned about? “Well, I mean, touching yourself … there … starts to feel good when you grow up. So plenty of people do it. But I gotta admit I'd never seen or heard of anyone doing it that way before, so in a way, yeah, I guess you could say you thought it up yourself.” Marisa ruffled Cirno's hair. “Not so dumb after all, are ya, ze?”
Cirno blushed, but couldn't help but smile. “I told you guys I was smart.”
“Yeah, yeah. Anyway. You think that feels good?” Marisa grinned wickedly, and then held up the end of her broom. “Wait'll ya try this.”
“You did what?!” gasped Reimu. She slumped down on the top steps of the shrine, pale, her jaw dropped open.
Marisa still couldn't stop laughing, stretching her legs out on the steps as she leaned back and smiled. “I showed her my way, that's all, ze. What's the big deal?”
“I can't believe I'm hearing this.” Reimu mumbled, her eyes staring into space, unblinking.
“Ah, c'mon. Not everyone's like you, ya know.”
Reimu glared at Marisa. “Maybe more people should be.”
Marisa waved at her dismissively. “She loved it. Loved. It. She said she couldn't wait to show Mystia.”
Reimu shuddered, then looked at Marisa's broom, deplored. “Oh. Oh no. That's not the same one you-”
“Nah,” smiled Marisa “I let her have that one. This is a different one. I got like twenty of these things at home, ze. You don't think I fly with the same one all the time, do you?”
“Well, no, I guess that-”
“And look at it this way: they won't be back to molest your donation box again. So it's a blessing, really, ze.”
Reimu sighed. “I suppose. Still …” she shook her head, staring into the woods. Why was everyone around her so weird? “But Marisa … you? I never thought you'd … ugh, I don't even want to think about it.”
“You sure?” Marisa teased. “You could stand to loosen up, ya know. It'd be my pleasure to show you-”
“I mean, probably more like your pleasure-”
“Trust me, it's like sake. Once you have a taste you can never-”
“GET! OUT!” Reimu shrieked, plugging her ears with her fingers.
“Alright, alright, don't get so bent outta shape, ze” Marisa stood. “Jeez. Some people.” She mounted her broom and flew off. “See ya!”
Reimu stared into the woods. Sake isn't a bad idea right now, she decided. Whatever it takes to forget this day ever happened.
(Photo credit: Danbooru)