I sleep fitfully. After waking up for the fifth time and seeing now the sun beginning to rise, I give up. I sit up, change out of my pyjamas and into my street clothes. You only need to walk down a street in any given city for a few minutes to get an idea of what "non-descript" would be. And that's what I wear.I ask Eirin if she wants anything and she shakes her head.
"Are you working?" I ask her.
She nods. "This won't take long. Just six more fortunes." I know she'll be done by the time I get back. Eirin's fortunes are very popular, and people pay good money for them. We've left a string of closed bank accounts across the planet.
I step out into the stairwell and walk four flights down to the morning streets. We've been here about five years. We haven't seen the sisters since we came here. The last meeting ended with the older sister being taken up in the arms of a goddess, a column of searing white light that lifted her soundlessly into the night sky. "I will ensure you both come to understand mortality," she said to us.
I think of these words now as I walk to the store. This woman does not understand mortality herself. Her life may end one day, but you cannot understand mortality if you are a part of it. From the moment the elixir hits the pit of your stomach, all mortal life seems as ephemeral as snow falling onto a lake. When you cross this point, you see for the first time just how brief your life would have been, how very young you are. And of course, the only people you can truly know are others like you, whose lives will run to the ends of the universe. Everyone else meets your gaze momentarily with a smile, and then are gone.
I reach the coffeeshop on the corner. I walk in, and it's still a little early for the professional crowd, so the line is short. I plan on just picking up some pastries and two coffees. I know Eirin will want to eat when she's done. I look at the showcase beside the register to decide what to get, and that's when I see her.
Seated by herself, her arms resting on a table, a mug by her elbow, and looking right at me - the Fujiwara girl. She's smiling. Her eyes fall on me casually. She's not going to make a scene here. I approach her table.
"Are you expecting anyone?" I ask. She gestures to the seat across from her. I stay standing. "When did you get to town?"
"Four months ago," she says, and wipes her chin.
"Liking it so far?"
"Yes, it's not a bad place. I can see why you'd settle down here."
"Yes." I look around the dining room. There's an old man reading a newspaper, and two salarymen speaking quietly together, a laptop open between them. "Mokou. Do you enjoy finding me?"
I don't know what prompts me to ask her this. Maybe that dream shook me loose a little bit, like it always does. I know that for most of the day, I'll still be a bit rattled. The memory of that night is a dark pool deep in a cave. When I slide my hand into the water, the chill strikes me to the marrow.
The Fujiwara girl inhales very slowly through her nose. "You know, Kaguya, I'm a simple person. I don't need a lot out of life. I'm content to travel where I can, when I can. But a person needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning. It doesn't even have to be a reason you like." She takes a sip from her mug. "You just need to know it's going to be there. And you - you're not going anywhere."
She's right. Mokou's mission towards me had long been a source of mild annoyance at best, but that was when I thought she'd grow out of it. Lately, though, I've just been feeling sorry for her. Sometimes, I want to laugh in her face. She wanted to be sure that she could follow me forever, so she did what I did, and now she knows what it's like to be trapped. "That's very pragmatic. Well, I'm going to get breakfast now." Even here, I don't turn my back on her.
"You enjoy that breakfast." She nods, her eyes hardening almost imperceptibly. "I'll be seeing you."
I nod back, and resume my place in line. By the time I've paid, she's left.
Eirin eats two sticky buns, and I have a chocolate muffin. I decide not to tell her about meeting the Fujiwara girl.
"Do you want to go out someplace today, Princess?" she asks as she yawns into her coffee.
I've already finished my coffee. It looks like it will be a sunny day, and it's been a very rainy fall. I wouldn't mind going to the park, but I want her to rest. "No, I don't know. I didn't sleep too well. What about you?"
"Well, we can't eat take-out all the time. I'll do the shopping, like I said." She rises from her desk. "Is there anything special you want?"
I love the fall. I like how low the sun hangs in the sky as it moves over the horizon, how long the shadows become. The mountains are the best place for this season. Remembering the mountains in fall ... and I'm there again.
I've been living on Earth for about 20 years. I still miss the Moon, and looking at it makes my heart ache. One fall night, I can't sleep, so I decide to get some air. It's a cold, clear night, and a dark moon. I feel more at ease walking with the Moon's back turned. Waxing and waning crescents are sideways-turned glances of suspicion, and the full moon is a still face of scorn.
Walking down the path from my home towards the garden, I hear faint but distinct music. Bells, a flute, drums. A steady refrain as soft as a heartbeat. I walked towards the music and into the woods. Following the music takes me onto the trail up the mountain. I've walked up this trail with my family many times, but this is the first time I do so at night. Further up the trail I go, but the music doesn't seem to be getting any closer. It occurs to me that I might even be following the echo of a far more distant music coming from a different direction. And so I stop, and realize where I am.
I'm standing on a look-out point, with the valley stretching out below me to the ashen mountains fogged by the night. Above me the sky is nothing but stars. I try to imagine a moonless Earth. Seeing my past evaporate before my eyes, I feel as though the earth I stand on might disappear.
I decide that I have to remember what this feels like. And I still do.
"Actually, yes." I tell Eirin. "Aren't pomegranates in season?"
"I'll check. Anything else?"
I shake my head. Eirin picks up her purse from the chair by the door, and flashes me a brief smile as she leaves.
I stuff the muffin wrapper into the empty coffee cup, and toss it into the waste basket by the desk. I stand and walk to the window, pulling down the shade. Then I float a few feet off the floor, my arms outstretched, my eyes closed. In the sight of my mind, I can see the Fujiwara girl. She is reaching out to me in the darkness, a scream rising in her throat as she rushes to me soundlessly as an arrow. She is going to strike through the center of my soul, and cannot see the gaping abyss that awaits her on the other side.
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