EXCLUSIVE!!! - Aya's Interviews Take Quotes COMPLETELY Out Of Context

Greetings, readers! Hatate Himekaidou here, with some breaking news about the journalistic integrity of Aya Syameimaru that may come as a shock, even to those who are already familiar with her particular style of "journalism".

Kakashi Spirit News has, through sources which choose to remain anonymous, uncovered the actual notes Aya Syameimaru took during her interviews with various members of Gensokyo for her seminal work, Bohemian Archive In Japanese Red. 

Within these notes, it becomes apparent that Aya deliberately took quotes out of context, giving them an entirely different meaning. Furthermore, comments which were made off the record were recorded anyway, even though they were not actually published.

We begin with one of Aya's most controversial interviews, Youkai Practices Animal Abuse, with Yukari Yakumo. Here is how one excerpt from the interview appears in its published form:

"At any rate, I'll explain once again for the sake of Ran's honour. That isn't abuse, it's discipline. Ran is a shikigami, so if she doesn't do exactly as I say she can't make use of her full strength. Even so, she ignored orders and went off and fought with humans. So I scolded her." - Yukari Yakumo.

But here is how the original quote appeared in Aya's notes. The left-out parts have been bolded for emphasis:

"At any rate, I'll explain once again for the sake of Ran's honour. That isn't abuse, it's discipline. Ran is a shikigami, so if she doesn't do exactly as I say she can't make use of her full strength. As a family, maintaining harmony is important, and discipline works in all directions. Sometimes, Ran will even scold me for crossing a line. Even so, she ignored orders and went off and fought with humans. So I scolded her."

As you can see, this completely changes the situation. Yukari is unfairly depicted as an animal abuser, even though she clearly states that discipline goes both ways. Aya's own personal outrage at seeing a fellow animal being abused clouded her judgement, and she deliberately misquoted Yukari to paint her in a more unfavorable light.

And this is just one example. Compare these two quotes - the first being the published version, and the second being the original version in Aya's notes - from Kaguya Houraisan (Eientei Hosts Lunar Capital Expo), responding to Aya's implications that some of the Lunarian items on display were fake.:

"I see, it looks like you suspect everything unless you see it with your own eyes. You seem like the kind of person who doesn't believe that humans went to the moon, or thinks the Earth is flat."

And:

"I see, it looks like you suspect everything unless you see it with your own eyes. You seem like the kind of person who doesn't believe that humans went to the moon, or thinks the Earth is flat. Why the hell would I just make this up? If you insist on being a jerk about it, I can show you my certificates of authenticity. It's not like I have anything to hide."

Aya not only crossed out this sentence from her notes; she also wrote in the margin "jeez this hangover is killing me - would rather eat my own hands than examine certificates of authenticity - what do i look like, an archeologist? no thx".

Another example, from Cirno (Ice Fairy Eaten by Giant Toad), shows more of the same disregard for her interview subject.

The published quote:

"If the frogs are instantly completely frozen, they won't die, and when the ice melts they'll go back to normal. This isn't playing, this is ice training. I'm definitely not doing it because frozen frogs are cute, or because their cries are annoying, or because it's exciting when juggling them because they might break."

And the original:

"If the frogs are instantly completely frozen, they won't die, and when the ice melts they'll go back to normal, and are freeze-resistant from that point on. This isn't playing, this is ice training. I'm definitely not doing it because frozen frogs are cute, or because their cries are annoying, or because it's exciting when juggling them because they might break. I love froggies, honestly, and I hate that they can't be around to enjoy the winter. They should be able to play in the snow, too!"

Again, Aya has margin notes: "winter-proofing frogs is such a banana-smearingly stupid idea that i'm going to save this kid the embarrassment of having anyone know she even suggested the idea - yikes, what a moron."

But deliberately cooking up quotes isn't the only crime Aya committed in journalism's name. When some subjects spoke candidly, thinking it was all off the record, Aya surreptitiously recorded the quotes anyway. It is unlikely she was writing any of these "off the record" quotes right in front of the subject, and probably jotted them down from memory.

While the quotes are attributed to their sources, Kakashi Spirit News has removed the names of the people who said them, in order to protect their identities and make it impossible to guess who said what. These quotes are provided merely as proof of Aya's lack of moral compass:

"The flower incident? I'll tell you the truth - I'm actually deathly allergic to pollen. No, seriously. Why do you think I carry an umbrella? It's to keep pollen from raining down on me all the time. I should really consider moving." - Page 116.

"So then I says to Alice [gulps sake] I says to Alice, look - real moon, fake moon, who cares? I just want to smack around some fairies. That's right, you heard me. Sometimes, when I'm walking through the woods, I'll see a fairy with its back to me. And then I kick the little bugger. And giggle my head off. Their tears are like nectar to me." - Page 28.

"I told her this obsession of hers was going too far. Everyone thinks she hates Kaguya. Well, if that's true, tell me this - would you make a life-sized hug pillow bearing the likeness of someone you hated? I think not." - Page 47.

"Honestly I have no idea how these sleeves stay up."  - Page 76.

"Alright, let me explain it again: the constants a, b, and c are called respectively, the quadratic coefficient, the linear coefficient and the constant term or free term. The term 'quadratic' comes from quadratus, which is the Latin word for 'square'. Quadratic equations can be solved by factoring, completing the square, graphing, Newton's method, and using the quadratic formula. Now then, if you say that X equals - hang on, let me get this frog." - Page 201.

In the interests of fairness, Kakashi Spirit News sent a copy of this article to Aya for comment. Here is her reply in full:

Oh, look at you. "Look at me, I'm a real journalist, zipping around with my twintails and ridiculous pre-teen mobile phone [it's called a Spirit Camera! - ed.] reporting on stories long after the fact! Maybe I should dig up some dirt on the only REAL journalist in Gensokyo to make myself look better!" Seriously, do you really think you got a hold of my actual notes? Are you truly that stupid? If this is your revenge for putting that crease in that X-Men comic book you lent me, grow up. I tried being nice to you. I tried helping you out, introducing you to [REDACTED] so you could get invited to parties for a change - because honestly, honey, the way you talk seriously grates on peoples' nerves - and this is the thanks I get? Well, that's alright. I'm a professional and a grown-up. Just don't be surprised if you never get invited to another Youkai Mountain Tengu Shot-A-Minute Drinking Contest ever again. Peace!

Don't worry, dear readers - I never liked that contest anyway. And being kicked out of that totally lame festival is a small price to pay to demonstrate who's the real journalist in Gensokyo. So to all you lovers of truth and justice out there: you're welcome. Hatate out!

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